Whaaaat?
by DisneyWriter
Summary: This is how the cast spends their time when they're not fighting monsters with giant keys. Crack fic
1. Sora's Hair

**For those of you wondering who Lucky and Rebecca are, they are part OCs part _101 Dalmatians_ characters. Now let's see how Sora keeps his hair spiky.**

It was a slow day on Destiny Island as usual, but all of the peace and slowness was disrupted by an angry and droopy-haired Sora.

"Ok, which one of you heartless slimes took them," Sora snarled. Someone has stolen his hair care products, and he was definitely ready to turn the culprit into a human piñata.

"Ask Ven or Roxas," Riku said," They are the only ones that really need it."

"Hey I was going for the more natural look," Ven said.

"As if," Roxas said.

"Xigbar called he wants his lame catch phrase back." Ven said.

"Actually, a picture of Sora without the spiky hair is worth more than Castle Oblivion," Kairi said.

Sora and Riku gave her a look. "It's in the latest gossip," Kairi responded holding up a gossip magazine. Suddenly a camera flash took a picture of the back of Sora's head.

"GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT YOU CRAZY FANGIRL" was all that was heard.

**I know this is pretty short**


	2. Support Group

**This chapter was inspired by Do a Barrel Roll's ****_Would the Real Ansem Please Stand Up_****. Enjoy and remember I own _Nothing._**

"So why is it you want therapy?" Pooh Bear asked.

"We all look alike in some way you crazy old coot," Vanitas harshly responded with his usual ax-crazy smile.

"He is just a palette swap of me," Sora said.

"Chronologically, my game came first," Vanitas said.

"Release wise, mine came first," Sora responded.

"At least you two have some difference between yourselves," Roxas said.

"I just don't get why Xion is here," Ventus said call him Ven.

"For some convoluted reason that the plot refuses to tell us," Roxas started, "Xigbar sees her as you."

"And the time I turned into Sora," Xion added, "I thought the plot explained it well."

"At least my hair is natural," Vanitas said still arguing with Sora.

Sora walked over to Pooh Bear's wooden phone.

"Hello Aqua, Vanitas is here in the Hundred Acre Wood. He called you fat and says he could have taken you in the Keyblade Graveyard if he wasn't holding back." Sora lied into the phone.

"And I thought I was pure darkness," Vanitas said ready to run for his life. He did as Aqua arrived and pursued him from the Hundred Acre Wood to Neverland.

"Now let's get some real therapy done here," Pooh Bear said.

"You have 20 minutes. I have to go to a Kairi clone support group next," said an obvious person.


	3. Video Games

**I OWN NOTHING.**

"IT'S HERE." Ven yelled. The video games revolving around their keyblade adventures finally arrived... all except _Kingdom Hearts III._

"It feels like it took ten years to make all of that." Sora said. Riku is all ready hacking away at the box with a face that looks somewhere between insanity and excitement. Aqua and Roxas began warming up the consoles. Xion brought the popcorn.

Many long hours possibly days or weeks later

Roxas was writing a letter.

_Dear Disney and Square-Enix,_

_REALLY? Why am I so EMO. I was practically a zombie. I make ZEXION look like a creepy child. HECK XION OF ALL PEOPLE IS CLOSER TO SORA THAN ME!_

"Hey Roxas whatcha writing," Sora inquired walking into Roxas's room delivering some laundry that accidentally made its way to Sora's room.

"I'm just writing an angry letter to some executives for making me all emo," Roxas said cringing at the word.

Sora seized the letter and he began writing.

"What are you doing," Roxas screamed tackling Sora.

Sora, now wrestling Roxas, responded, "I'm giving them a piece of my mind. Who thought it was a good idea that I would break down over Riku, but not Kairi."

The commotion attracted Kairi who complained about her MacGuffin status, Terra, Ven, and Aqua about the plot, Xion about her Mary Sue status, and Riku who complained about _his_ emo status.


	4. Working with George

**Sorry for the long hiatus, I've had some things to deal with. **

**Now we have Xion and Roxas making ****_Days _****video game adaptation, but Roxas has an issue with it. **

**Guest stars**

**Oswald the Lucky Rabbit**

"Did I really say that?" Roxas asked the Square-Enix Executive.

"Yes," Xion said casually as she moved her arms behind her head like Sora.

"Would you prefer this role?" the executive moved Roxas to the Death Star scene from _Return of the Jedi_.

"So I have to throw my lightsaber, my only line of defence against Mr. McLightning Hands, away from where I can reach it. GREAT SCRIPT GEORGE." Roxas said.

"So be it Jedi," Oswald playing the emperor said.

"Wait Oswald! We're not filming!" Roxas screamed.

In a matter of seconds, red lightning flew out of Oswald's finger tips and electrocuted Roxas.

"Cut, Oswald the lightning is blue-purple not red. Honestly Force-sensitive actors these days" said the director.

Roxas entered the Days adaptation office again.

"Back already," said the Square-Enix executive, "Did the Ewoks give you a hard time?"


	5. Time Travel Woes

**I own nothing. Got it memorized?**

"There are restrictions to movement through time. First, you must leave your body behind to do it. Then, there must be a version of you waiting at the destination. Upon arrival, you can only move forward as per the laws of time. And you cannot rewrite the events that are destined to happen." Young Xehanort said.

Sora's eyes opened wide as he jumped out of the throne.

"Wait, Wait, Wait. Explain Timeless River in _Kingdom Hearts II,_" Sora said brandishing his Keyblade.

"Yeah, I would like that explained as well," Riku said lowering his guard.

"While you're at it, explain who in the name of Kingdom Heart was the girl I met in that dream." Sora said.

"Stick to the script." Young Xehanort said.

"Tell it to those angry fans," Riku said pointing to the mob with the torches, pitchforks, and cotton candy.

"Go head," Young Xehanort said stoically, "We'll just delay _Kingdom Hearts III_ for some time."

Lea burst into the round room where he said his line.

"Axel, what are you doing here? We're reshooting the scene," Riku said.

"I told you my name is... ugh... whatever..."


	6. A Keyblade Credit Card?

**You know the disclaimer(Own nothing) **  
**Guest Starring the Nostalgia Critic** _**and his language**___

"Hey look," Kairi yelled as she held a movie poster in her hands.

"This is great! Maybe if it goes well, we'll get a nice vacation." Sora said jumping up and down.

"Remember _The Last Airbender_? " Riku brought up.

"Buzzkill" Sora mumbled.

**_After the First Showing_**

"That was the worst movie I've ever seen," Sora complained.

"Yeah the Critic might agree with you," Kairi pointed to the computer screen

A Keyblade…Credit Card? They gave him a Keyblade…Credit Card? They had the BALLS to give one of the greatest heroes of all time... **A Keyblade…CREDIT CARD?! (goes nuts) NOOO! NOOO! Does Not Compute! Does Not Compute! Does Not Compute! It's insane!**


	7. Production Woes

**This chapter is detected to the trolls at Square Enix for keeping us waiting his long.**

**And as always I own nothing. **

* * *

"Line," Sora asked the director.

"Take the Keyblade and then-,"

"Hold it! The Pokémon cast has this set until nine," said Brendan with the entire cast of their next game behind them.

"No you don't," said Roxas walking on the set.

"Yes we do," said Brendan.

"Don't"

"Do"

"Don't"

"Do"

"Don't"

"Then it's settled. We have the set." Roxas said.

"Like that IGN person said. You're some garbage character that no one cares about." Brendan tried and failed to make a comeback. Roxas held back tears.

Sora instantly got between them and said, "Brendan used burn. It's super effective."

Roxas instantly took the footage and put it on the Internet. Within a few SECONDS angry fans stored the set and trampled the Pokémon cast. Unfortunately the set was destroyed delaying production.

"Nice job, Roxas. You just destroyed the expensive set." Riku said getting out of the rubble.

"Explain this in great detail. Why is the set so expensive that we have to film this on a phone?" Roxas asked rubbing his head.

"Sora, back me up here," Riku said.

Sora, looking at the cast of Pokémon, smiled and said, "It's a one-hit KO."


	8. Anti-Explicit

**I own nothing. This part might have some more mature content.  
**

* * *

It was a normal day on the islands. No Xehanort for now. No Heartless for now. No giant fish threatening to destroy the universe.

"Hey Sora, Riku come look." a certain red-head yelled.

"What is it Kairi?" Sora asked.

"Come look," Kairi answered.

The pair followed her to a large stack of bottled letters.

"So what we get mail all the time." Riku said.

"It's not that," Kairi said holding a piece of paper, "It's this."

Once Sora and Riku examined the paper, the looks on their faces were quite interesting. The paper was the atrocity known as yaoi fanfiction.

"What type of sick mind would write this crap?!" Riku shrieked.

Sora swallowed some of his vomit and said, "I know that someone is probably a Heartless by now."

"And that's not the worst part. We have to inspect this large stack of bottles because the checks for the water are in here." Kairi said.

"Let me write my will first." Sora stated.

Each of the person took a pile of bottles. The bottles were then broken and inspected for the checks. The yaoi was tossed into a pile to be cut to pieces and burned. Sora was the first to open a bottle. The bottle contained the pairing of Namine and Sora.

"Wouldn't that be parent child incest," Sora wondered out loud.

"I know I am going to regret this, but how," Riku asked.

"Namine is Kairi's nobody born from me so-," Sora began.

"No No I heard enough," Riku said.

Riku cracked open his bottle. It contained the usual explicit pairing along with the... check for the water bill?! He took the check and threw the paper which landed in Kairi's face where she read it in its entirety.

Kairi vomits and says, "What type of sick person pairs Roxas and this Xion guy."

Roxas's astral projection appears in front of Kairi and says, "Xion is a girl. The better question would be why a person would put a check in there."

* * *

**So yeah. The pairings in this series can be a little odd when one thinks about them**


End file.
